Pure blind venomous rage!!! A few hours ago I asked John if he wanted to pick up Peter (because Peter specifically asked for him) and he said sure.
Fast forward to 3:20 and I get a call from school saying no one had picked him up and my little boy was sitting in the principals office alone.
WTF?!?!?!
Not only do I look like a crappy parent, not only did he make a commitment to me and bail, but my little boy gets to feel that shitty feeling and be reminded again that his dad doesn't care and make him a priority. Makes me feel like I can't count on anyone but myself and that is a crappy feeling. And the even crappier feeling is making me feel like the kids can't count on their own dad.
How many fucking chances am I supposed to give?!?!? How many times am I supposed to look at my little boys face and say "Sorry, your dad..." Hell, I don't even know WHAT to say anymore. I can only gloss over shit so many times.
Sorry he doesn't know the name of your school...
Sorry he'd rather drink than go to the park...
Sorry we have to miss gymnastics class to pick up dad from jail...
Sorry he doesn't know your friends names...
Sorry he doesn't know your favorite books...
Sorry he doesn't know that PG-13 means you probably shouldn't watch it...
Sorry he doesn't know that when he spends 1 hour with you a week he probably shouldn't be a grump and yelling at you for that entire hour...
Sorry he doesn't know what you are allergic to...
Sorry he doesn't know what size clothes you wear...
Sorry he doesn't know your favorite color...
Sorry he can't remember to pick you up from school...
I am SO SORRY my little ones that your dad chooses to be something else.
I expect that if you care about someone you will PAY ATTENTION. Life and love are not about coasting through and just coming and going whenever you feel like it and hurting people along the way. Love is about being there. Love is about knowing the "stuff". Love is about making another person feel happy and secure and safe. I deserve that. My kids deserve it even more. I am tired of this shit happening to them.
